The Mountain Folk Thread

For my dear friend Billy Bob!

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Howdy. I reckon the mamsquatch ain't been around hereabouts lately, at least I ain't heared no reports of such. That whopper snowfall in Panermaw City mite have skeered her.

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Greetins an salutations to all. The man up to the turkey farm got me a job seminatin turkeys. So far I like my job and my perole ocifer is happy.

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Looks like we need to find more hillbillys.

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I figured I would mosey on over, for a spell.

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Well bust ma balls!! This place and thread are workin agin. I'll tell Clem cuz he sed he didn't believe that it would be back and stopped checkin. When I tell Sweet, she'll probly eat everything she can find then continue celebratin having me light up her farts. That be fricken dangerius.

Vittles is Cookin'

I got some gopher gravy with turnips and onions in the oven, coffee's on the stove and it'll soon be boilin', hardtack's in the cubbard, we'll have us a banquet here afore long.

VITTLES!

C'mon get it now you reprobates. There's gopher in that there stew from the one I found by the creek the other day, it weren't too swelled up when I found it, so the meat's good. And they's some smoked fatback made from a possum I shot last week. The turnips and onions are fresh today, so if you taste dirt you know why. One of you rascals get out the hardtack, along with whatever else is in there, pickles and what not.

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I've been hankerin fer sum gopher since last spring when I hit one with my truck.

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I've never had gopher but a dood back in July 2023 brought us a rooster and it was awesome. I had like 3 bowls of rooster soup while I lived in the tent, other people probably ate 4 bowls.

I sometimes miss my tent, but I love this Department of Housing units. I met so many interesting doods while I was up poo creek without a paddle.

Life is kind of funny in that way, a buddy said, "I was lucky to meet all the doods who were also up poo creek..." But I like to think they were lucky to meet me too!

One of the first things I told a good friend was I was one of the best things to happen to 99.95% of people and it turned out to be totally true!

She made dozens of friends and it really helped her with a sense of "community".

And multiple buddies lives worked out awesome.

There's one buddy who did a runner after rooting over another buddy but mentioned in his last text to me that his life was great too!

In a screwy kind of way, everything worked out really awesome for everydood!

Now for the hippies...

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I was possum hunting and I smelled that limburger smell so I ran back to the house and hid. I never did see nothing but I heard them stories of hunters lost in the woods getting abducted.

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Okay, now I did the cookin, now someun git in thet thar kitchen and clean them dishes en whut not. Later I'll whip up a mock apple pie, I got one apple and a mess a crackers, they'll do. Now I gotta go check the still and refill my medicine bottle.

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I lost pert near ev'rything when my homeplace along the Swannanoa flooded. All my kinfolk have perished. I don't even got a shootin' iron.

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Here's a copy of my ma's possum stew recipe.
https://imgur.com/a/r3tAgHk

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Lulu been watching these boys trapping and cooking coyotes on the internet and now she wants me to bring one home.

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Howdy folks, this here is Billy Bob. Thanks to Elaine for fixing the site. Jolene blowed out a shart but it was average at best, y'all shoulda seen what she done on Christmas Day. That were a nuclear blast fer the ages.

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Well we with the rescue squad now on the way to the hospital. We didn't know that coyote are dogs. Lulu and I are allergic and we having trouble breathing throat swoled up a real big mess over here.

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I hit a groundhog on the way to work today so I tossed the carcass in the truck and drove on. Tonight we gonna eat fresh roadkill. Jolene likes to use the grease left over to fry taters with onion and turnips.


I ain't heared nothin bout that that mamsquatch lately, but Bobby Ray did say that he heard some boar hogs disappeared from a farm near here back around Christmas.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

I hit a groundhog on the way to work today so I tossed the carcass in the truck and drove on. Tonight we gonna eat fresh roadkill. Jolene likes to use the grease left over to fry taters with onion and turnips.

I ain't heared nothin bout that that mamsquatch lately, but Bobby Ray did say that he heard some boar hogs disappeared from a farm near here back around Christmas.

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Dang Nammit! I hav bean criss crossin all over da place and still can't seem to find the outhouse. Bout ready to dig a hole! Did one of you steel it!

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I was out scavengin fer supper eerlier, came across an old polecat, it aint fit fer eatin, but I kin skin it and make doo-dads. I ended up findin a rabbits nest and cleaned it out, whomped em good. So wees havin them an a bucket o taters, with grits an cream gravy, an sum celerys. Also apples an gram crackers wif huckleberry jam fer desert.

Hay now heres a good joke. So why did the duck die? Because its doctor was a quack. Ha ha, thats a good un they tell in Branson.

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Lackin' my shooting iron, I mostly et what I trap. Squirrels are chanchy, I feel qualmish from too many squirrels.

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We is goin trappin tonite. We got a bunch o' pesky coyotes around here and them pelts is worth sum money.

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Thanky, Clem fer dat possum stew recipe, witch I used to make supper wif a groundhog, becaws the possums is all been eatin round here. Now lemme tell you what it were delishus, lip smakin good it were.

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I do luv some possum.


Me and Bobby Ray is goin to try to trap some coyots up yonder in the hills tonite. I reckon they mite be 20-30 up there. Anyhoo since nobody seen the Mamsquatch lately I reckon itll be safe.

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Folks sed they seen a mamsquatch round here, but it were just Josephus goin to the outhouse in his old brown robe, he do look like one in thet thar robe, hes so fat and hairy. Hope he dont get shot one a these days.

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Me and Bobby Ray just got our camo set up fer the weekend and we got sum traps set out aways over yonder. Just now we both heared a high pitched screech noise what skeered us sumpthin powerful. It weren't a coyote, owl or a turkey, and it weren't Ol' Josephus.

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There it is again. Psst. Bobby Ray did y'all just hear that? He said he heard it to. The sound the beast makes when she is pleasurin herself. Oh no! I really think it's her! Let's get out o here.

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Josephus is in Raleigh sellin the tobacca crop, he might get shot over there tho, he been shot at afore. Thet mansquatch better stay away from here, I got my bean shooter so you git now, mansquatch.

Today wes airin out the dog, hes fulla farts from eatin a dead coon, so in the shed he goes. Hush now, Bruno, thets what you get fer eatin road scraps insteda whut yo mama give ya, groundhog innards mushed wif turnips. Thet dog dont no how good he gots it.

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Groundhog stuffed with turnips is to gud vittles to waste on the dogs. That's the kind o fancy eatin we have fer Chrismus and thanksgivin.

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Hey Clem,

Well me and Sweet managed to get through the Sunday preechin without getting tolt to leave and never cum back. We sat downwind from where the snake handler was, sose every time she farted, it was blowed away by the wind. Same with the smell from her sharts.

Sweet had a good time a hootin and a hollerin while the preacher played with the snake. Afterwards, he done some miracles by placing his hands on the heads of some sick people and made them get well. I axed him if he could do it to Sweet and make her stop fartin and shartin. He said he only does small miracles, not big’uns.

We were able to stay till the end for the first time in a long time. Sweet was a bit mad at me fer asking the preacher fer a miracle fer her. She made horrible smellin farts all the way home and afore she got out of the truck, she lifted up her dress and dropped a load right on the seat.

Later

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DAYUM!! Sweet is one gross person, even for a hillbilly!

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Not to mention what she does with dead fish!!!

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We got bout two inches o rain already today and I reckon it's only gonna get worse. At least it's an excuse fer Jolene to get a bath. I hear tell the mamsquatch is beginnin to stir. A bull vanished from a farm down the road the other day. When it was finally found it had been drained dry. It ain't safe for man nor beast when the Mamsquatch is in the mood.

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Mamsquatch! I just saw her in the back yard. I looked out just in time to see her sneak behind the barn. I fired a shot out the winder to skeer her away.

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It come a snow Sunday mornin so we stayed home. I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday.

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I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday.

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Well, its colder then brass balls out, so wees fixin to hibernate the next few days, eat a lot beans to keep the propane bill down, heat the house the old fashioned way like the pioneers, they were a flatulent bunch too.

But the house is much improved since them old days, nowadays we got a sink in the kichun, and even a seat on the toilet. Now all we need is indoor plumbing like them city slickers on the TV. And some day we might also have a TV.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Good mornin, yawl. Dang, thet goshdurn cat let a mouse git into the grits, now awl we gots fer brekfest is fatback an turnip bottums. Dang, I was reely lookin forwart to them grits. Welp, at leest thet durn cat finely cawt thet durn mouse en ate it, so now eye'll put its brekfest (a fish hed) in wif them turnip bottums. Ida still rather a had them grits tho, dang.

Paw got a slinter on his "bottom" (blush) the other day ferm the toilit seet, so we sent it out to get fixed. We gots a old life ring ferm a WW2 destroyer as a substitoot seet, witch I akshully like better, butt not paw, he sez it makes him see sick when he goes "poo" (blush).

Welp shucks, thar gos the dinger on tha oven, them turnips an fatback ar dun, gotta go yawl.

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Well doggy!

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A Mamsquatch caught me last night and I'm glad. I was working outside in the cold and she warmed me up while draining me.

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Was it worth the smell?

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Me and Bobby Ray decided to go coyote huntin tonite. We didn't git no
roadkill this week so we gotta impervise.

We set up huntin camp on the top o' a hill way out in the sticks. I reckon it's nothin but woods fer at least five miles in ever direction. With no moon it is pitch dark hereabouts. Bobby Ray is skeered we gonna get cot by the Mamsquatch tonite, but I toll him that she don't come out in this weather. I don't think he believed it though.

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Uh... We just heated a critter what sounded like a Mamsquatch howlin. It definitely weren't no coyote, owl, bobcat, of fox. It sounded like it came from west of us maybe a quarter mile.

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I have gots to poop. Where is my thread?

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

It's down below.



Anyhoo we heared a strange noise a few minutes ago. It sounded like somebody takin a big stick and poundin on a tree.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Hey Cletus,

Congatleations on being able to go to a Sunday preechin and not get thrown out. Looks likes y’all have somewhere ta go fer a while anyways. Yep, keeping Sweet downwind frum the preacher and his flock was a dadburn good idea.

It’ll take more than miracle to keep Sweet frum farting and shartin. The preacher done good by not even tryin to do one casue it’d just get Sweet all riled up and you knows what she mightta done. Turned around, bend over and let’em have it!

Me and Earlene went over ta town to a big church. There was all kind of fancy singers and such. Earlene aint much on singin, but she sure does like to clap her hands and move likes she’s a havin a conniption. She even laid down on ta floor and began slitherin like a snake. She’s funny.

later

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

That thar Sweet oughta be ashamed fer all that air pollution.

We went to the meetin house today and of course Jolene let out the loudest butt rumbler ever.

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It's not only air pollution from farts, its also her cooter smelling like dead fish AND letting all her rounders out in the sun to ferment and stink.

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We gots us a brake in the whether today, sos now I kin "do my bidness"(blush) rite thar on the back porch into a buckit. No havin ta walk alla way to tha outhouse.

Its a shorter walk to thar ferm tha front porch, but the naybors dont need to know my bidness, much less see or smell my bidness (blush).

Than my boy, Festus, he emptees the bucket ferm time ta time, like when the flys get to thik an bite my bottom (blush)

Well, yawl have a happy.

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Granny what vittles are y'all cookin tonite?

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Hey Clem,

I saw them people rolling around on the floor and having a conniption at Sunday preechin a couple a times. Sweet thought it looked like fun and joined in. She laid down on the floor, but then she farted and started spinning on her behind like childs top. Ya know what happened next.

If not, let me tell ya. While she was spinning around she started to shart. Well Sweet don’t wear no undies, sose when her moo moo dress moved up her back, she started spraying poop on everyone whilst she was a spinnin. Not pretty. We were almost run outta town that time.

Sose I tolt Sweet no matter how much she pines, we aint a goin to any more of those preechins where they have conniptions on the floor. It’s bad enuf we now have to stay downwind of everyone when we go places.

Later

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Hey Cletus, I know what yall mean about folks havin coniptions at the meetin house. Today Jolene blew out a shart what caused the whole place to skeddadle out the winders and everthang. One ol woman, mortified by the pandemonium, unleashed her own poo pile. The odor was as foul as anything I ever saw. I reckon them hazmat folks will be there til bout Tuesday.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Oh boy! It just got dark hereabouts and I went out yonder to the outhouse. Nothin was unusual until I came back toward the back door o' the shack. That's when I seen the big footprints in the mud and I seen them eyes shinin in the little light there was. It was the mamsquatch and she was lookin at muh bull. I reckon she was fixin to use the critter. I ran in and grabbed muh shotgun and shot out the winder to skeer her off.

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They was a critter out yonder, Billy Bob seen it. All I knowed is my brother Bobby Ray shat his britches at the site o it.

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Land sakes alive! Jolene made pinto beans with hog maw and mashed taters fer supper and I reckon I started 17 times since then.


One o the nabors said he heard the mamsquatch howlin last night. It's the time o the year when she starts gittin more active. The full moon is jist over a week away and that's when I figure she'll be goin wild.

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Is this thread AI training? None of the posts make any sense. It's almost like reading lorem ipsum?

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If you want to talk about shit, put in the poop thread where it will be much appreciated!!

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Land sakes alive! Jolene made pinto beans with hog maw and mashed taters fer supper and I reckon I started 17 times since then.


One o the nabors said he heard the mamsquatch howlin last night. It's the time o the year when she starts gittin more active. The full moon is jist over a week away and that's when I figure she'll be goin wild.

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If you want to talk about shit, put in the poop thread where it will be much appreciated!!

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There was a horde of Mamsquatches come through here when they were migrating and in one night every bull, stallion, and even male dogs were left used up and listing in the fields.

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It taint safe fer man nor beast out yonder nowadays.

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I heard about a man out huntin mushrooms yesterday who up and vanished without a trace. I wonder what could have happened? The weather was good and he was in an area he knew.

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^ AI

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It getting close to Spring. Better watch out. The Mamsquatches will be getting frisky!

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

That thar is the truth ^

The winter is over and the dogwoods will soon bloom, and the morel mushrooms will be thick on the that thar West Virginny ground. Me and Bobby Ray figured it was nigh on time to git the stills out and git ready fer the likker makin season. Next thang ya knowed we was buyin corn at the grain elevator and makin a run what would make Ol' Popcorn proud. We quit bout an hour ago and settled down fer the nite and relaxed round the campfire. I pulled out a sammich what Jolene made from fermented roadkill possum, horseradish, sourkrout, and some cheese I bot from a guy in town who said it was limburger. In the same bag I had some devil eggs an some tater chips. Everthang was fine until I unleashed a hellified fart what nearly lifted me off the lawn char. Bobby Ray thot the Mamsquatch was upon us with her secret knock out odor. He took off runnin bout mach 4 thru the woods until he got to the lake. I just set thar and ate muh devil eggs.

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Wtf did i just read??

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As a member of your friendly AE neighborhood watch, it is my duty to issue a warning to the denizens that the cc schizo has been spotted!

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Hey Cletus,

Sweet spinnin round like that with no undies and fartin and shartin and hitting people with the poop flying out sounds like what my pappy said about sheet hittin the fan! I bet them people were madder than wet hens when they got covered with spots of poop.

Earlene never done anything like that ta the best of what I know, but shes a come close once or twice. Once time she was in the hay loft and had to go badly sose she stuck her behind out the second story door and let loose without lookin.

Well, the county agent was cumin in to check on ma milk cows and he gots hit in the haid with a load of poop. He thought some cow had done crapped on him and asked how a cow got on ta the second floor of the barn. I tolt him that weren’t no animal cow, it was Earlene. He was duly irritated and ran to the crick to git cleaned up.

Later

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Woohoo good story cc schizo!!

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Looks like a Mamsquatch, or two, got hold of Billy Bob.

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Nope just busy. We went to the meetin house Sunday. An old man tossed a rattlesnake to another guy there but he couldn't catch it and when it hit the floor the skedaddle was on. A real bi woman sittin behind us panicked and blowed out a shart tsunami, I mean it was a huge mess. Not to be outdid, Jolene took her turn and it was a silent but violent monstrosity like I caint describe.

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Wow, amazing.

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Tomorrow nite we is goin out yonder to the crick. Gonna catch some channel cats but it is a place where the old hill folk say the beast goes in cold weather.

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Hey thar I just rit this here song fer yall

https://www.facebook.com/reel/985050349953370

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Me and Jolene took and went down yonder to the snake handler today. The tambereen thumper commenced to dancin with a snake in one hand and the tambereen in the other. He'd bump it against his chest to play it but a fell off the stage and rolled up the aisle. We gave the snake handler a jug o shine after the meetin.

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Whose "snake" was he handling? His or some other guys'?

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Good story, cc schizo. Very relatable. Not only have you entertained me, and about the 3 others who read that, but most importantly, yourself. hear me out here.

You wrote that because you thought it was funny and you chuckle and it was funny to yourself. With a big grin on your face, and a waiting keyboard, you indulged in your greatest moment of the day. And left the board satisfied with your jizz stain of a post for us.

You're a lucky poster, cc schizo. I envy you sometimes.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Magus is an inbred hillbilly who lives in the woods so he takes everything in this thread personally.

Also, according to Eve, he has a rape dungeon under his shack and fucks both his sons in the asshole which is a proud redneck tradition passed on from generation to generation.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Good story, cc schizo. Very relatable. Not only have you entertained me, and about the 3 others who read that, but most importantly, yourself. hear me out here.

You wrote that because you thought it was funny and you chuckle and it was funny to yourself. With a big grin on your face, and a waiting keyboard, you indulged in your greatest moment of the day. And left the board satisfied with your jizz stain of a post for us.

You're a lucky poster, cc schizo. I envy you sometimes.

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he takes everything in this thread personally.

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What in tarnation is this? A fake Magus is here! Ifen y'all come here to surrender to the mamsquatch don't bother. She ain't that desperate.

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The Fake Magus is acting super butthurt. I wonder if he/she filled out one of Elaines butthurt reports.

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Woohoo it's time to schizzzz it up!

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Have at it Schizo Magus!

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Magus is an inbred hillbilly who lives in the woods so he takes everything in this thread personally.

Also, according to Eve, he has a rape dungeon under his shack and fucks both his sons in the asshole which is a proud redneck tradition passed on from generation to generation.

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

Tonite is the first warm night of spring, so me and Bobby Ray took and went up yonder to the mountains to fish and hunt mushrooms. The tons o fun gals came with us and they had a shartin contest which Sweet won easily. Jolene crawled up in our tent and stunk it up powerful bad so I'm sittin here by the fahr and I just heared a howl out yonder in the woods I just caint explain. I reckon the mamsquatch hereabouts.

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Hey Clem,

I bet that county agent was a might surprised that Earlene could make a pile of poop that big. Sweet tolt me that when she and Earlene and the girls went to the fart-in, that Earlene plugged up the indoor outhouse all the time. It overflowed a couple of times sost they moved them to a first floor room.

I be worried about where we gonna go fer Sunday preechin since we were run out of town last Sunday where we went. Sweet wants to find anuther place where they lay on the floor and have conniptions. I tolt her maybe that aint a good idea being what happened last week with her flying poop.

Sweet is being hard headed about it and said she would spend all day Saturday in the outhouse emptying out her innards sost it wouldn’t happen agin. There is a preechin place like what she wants up in Alabammy. They don’t know us there, yet. Sose wish me luck.

Later

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Everybody knows the Queen O Rounders is from Panermaw City FL

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Yep. Sweet is known far and wide for her brown wonders!

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Hey Clem,

I bet that county agent was a might surprised that Earlene could make a pile of poop that big. Sweet tolt me that when she and Earlene and the girls went to the fart-in, that Earlene plugged up the indoor outhouse all the time. It overflowed a couple of times sost they moved them to a first floor room.

I be worried about where we gonna go fer Sunday preechin since we were run out of town last Sunday where we went. Sweet wants to find anuther place where they lay on the floor and have conniptions. I tolt her maybe that aint a good idea being what happened last week with her flying poop.

Sweet is being hard headed about it and said she would spend all day Saturday in the outhouse emptying out her innards sost it wouldn’t happen agin. There is a preechin place like what she wants up in Alabammy. They don’t know us there, yet. Sose wish me luck.

Later

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^Magus posting walls of unfunny cringe to show how NOT MAD he is.

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^ schizo being not mad by telling us all he isn't mad. Looks like the story hit too close to home!

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Now we have a fake Magus pretending to be a fake Luke.

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The Fake Magus is spamming threads, just like the behavior that got his ignorant butt drop-kicked out of here.

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^^There are several Fake Magus's. Just trying to get some posting done I expect.

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I heard that six boar hogs went missin from a farm up yonder in the hills yesterday

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^yep it did.

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Maybe you can all get this. One of the funnest times in my life was when I dropped acid, listened to Pink Floyd The Wall and watched the Flintstones on mute.

For one moment, more like an hour or so, life made sense.

~ta~

RE: The Mountain Folk Thread

[quote}Maybe you can all get this. One of the funnest times in my life was when I dropped acid, listened to Pink Floyd The Wall and watched the Flintstones on mute.

For one moment, more like an hour or so, life made sense.

~ta~

i thought u flounced? LMAO

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Huh? ^. Anyhoo Jolene unleashed a shart down yonder at the snake handler what beggars description. She ate 12 sliders, a can o beanny weinnie, half a pound o sourkraut and some grits with redeye gravy.


All I knowed is they asked everybody to stand up for the plate passin and that's when Jolenes butt exploded.

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^ ok nutjob keep on keeping on

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It's spring hereabouts and we gonna fertilize the ground with a few tons o rounders. I Jolene sittin on the tailgate o the Chevy ready to drop a heapin helping o poop.

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It's Spring time. Time to get that corn fertilized and growing boy.

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Time for some good Tuesday morning schizzing schizouts! Take the lead, billy bob!

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^^You are mistakenly him for Magus. Look at other threads to see Magus Schizzing out. Well, the fake Maguses. Come back Friday to see the real Magus schizzing out.

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^^YOU are CORRECT sir!

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You can tell the difference becoz the real Magus has a crazy haircut and always logs in. He only posts on weekends since they don't have Internet at the nut house.