Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I do a big poo
I do it only for you
On my hands is goo

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

billy touched my poo-hole

Toilet Central

Second? Bunk, this is like the tenth "official" one of these dumb things.

Mein Poop or My Struggle

When I poop for the nation
My ass makes a gyration
Then out comes a log or two

When doing this thing
I may blow out an o-ring
But it's something I must do

Then my butt wiper
Puts on a clean diaper
And now I bid you adieu

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I miss rounders talks.

Our Laws are Toilet Paper

Why America Exists

Our nation's founders
Loved to talk rounders
As they planned our future evolution

And when they wrote all those legal loopholes
They dropped deuces out of their poop holes
Then they called it a Constitution

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

It was a work of art
A most malodorous fart
A toilet bowl champ from the start
Now we bid adieu
To this stinking haiku
Dedicated to my poo

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I'm your proxy pooper, baby
I'll poop for you for pay
I'm your proxy pooper, baby
C'mon I ain't got all day

So lay your money down
I'll grunt out all that's brown
Just a few more dumps and I'll own this town

I'm your proxy pooper, baby
I'll poop for you for pay

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

The last time I got any was when my finger broke through the toilet paper….

Poop for God and Country

^ Poking your dirty ass with your finger isn't "getting any" you pervert, so learn how to wipe your ass, sicko. Use folds of paper not just a single sheet, duh.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ved0qqWZPX4

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

(Verse 1)
In the silence, a sound did abound
A toot, a boom, a stinky little sound
It echoed through the room, oh so proud
A gassy little secret, no one dared to avow

(Chorus)
Farts, oh farts, so silent but deadly
A natural act, yet oh so unsteady
Clearing rooms, with a stinky little fame
Farts, oh farts, the laughter's all the same

(Verse 2)
In the elevator, it was a tight squeeze
A tiny little bubble, that brought on the freeze
The awkwardness was palpable, the air was thick
As everyone pretended, it wasn't quite a trick

(Chorus)
Farts, oh farts, so silent but deadly
A natural act, yet oh so unsteady
Clearing rooms, with a stinky little fame
Farts, oh farts, the laughter's all the same

(Bridge)
Who's to blame, for this gassy little crime?
The beans, the broccoli, or the guilty mind?
We giggle and snicker, at the smelly little sound
But deep down, we're all thinking, "That could've been me, spinning around"

(Chorus)
Farts, oh farts, so silent but deadly
A natural act, yet oh so unsteady
Clearing rooms, with a stinky little fame
Farts, oh farts, the laughter's all the same

(Outro)
So let's raise a stink, and let it all out
Embrace the toot, and let the laughter shout
For in the end, it's just a natural part
Of being human, with a gassy little heart

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

In the midst of my day, a sudden surprise,
My stomach gave way, to a most mortifying guise.
Caught off guard, I felt the discomfort begin,
A frantic search for a restroom, I hastily spin.

Alas, I was too late, it happened so fast,
A poop, a crap, an embarrassing blast.
I stood there in shock, my cheeks flushed with red,
A poopy pants predicament, I wished I were dead.

But as I looked up, I saw a flash of light,
A silver lining, a beacon of hope in my sight.
A chance to learn, and to grow from this plight,
To find humor in moments, when things don't go right.

For we all make mistakes, and face such a mess,
What's important is learning, and trying our best.
So here's to the poops, the farts, and the sharts,
To the funny, weird, and unpredictable parts.

Twist and Shout

Hi, my name is Lance
I just shit my pants

Hi, my name is Dan
The shit just hit the fan

Hi, my name is Lucy
My stinky farts are juicy

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

https://imgur.com/TWngFQU

http://www.link.com

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I want to excrete a poop that is splendid
I want it to be just like my friend did
Grunting and grimacing then grin widely flashing
As stinky turds into the bowl they were splashing
To take such a shit would be utterly smashing

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

A big poop just came out of my bunghole.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Do not get to 35 replies. After that, the thread ends. Look at the "last Post" thread.

Test Poop

test poop

test poop

a ghost pooped in the bowl

test poop

A Poop Poem

What On Earth

In the middle of the night
My colon gave me a plight
To which I could not fight
So on the can I did alight
And grunt with all my might
Out came an unearthly delight
That was flushed out of sight

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Last night I had a ferocious diarea attack. I think the ham and beans caused it. The outhouse never smelt so bad.

For the Long Haul

King of the Road

Out on the road ten days
Ain't took a dump since then
I like to perch on my own pot
I'm a man who likes what he got

Got home to my porcelain glaze
It feels like a dear old friend
It's been so long I nearly forgot
Oh, how I love to cop a squat

And as I wipe my rear
I grin from ear to ear
I flush and jump in my truck
And grind another gear

Taking a Dump

God's Chosen Pooper

Hi, my name's Schlomo D. Jew
And in a moment or two
I'm going to go to the loo
And crap out a pile of poo
It's just something I must do
Well, mazaltov and toodle-oo

I Poop Alone

My Morning

I farted a brown fog
As I pooped a big log
Made of peanuts and hog
That smelled like a wet dog
And when flushed the can did clog

T.P. Fido

The dog did tongue
Upon my bung
Man's best friend
Until the end

Circumcising the Globe

Let Us Spray

The Pope made a poop
On the Vatican's can
It flushed to Heaven
For part God, part Man

And then He sprayed
In order to please us
And then He prayed
To the Rabbi Jesus

Like President Trump

Remember to flush
After you take a dump
Unless you wear a diaper
Like President Trump

As the World Burns

Master the Universe

Please be discrete
When you excrete
Try not to be seen

But if you want a heinie
That's bright and shiny
Rub it with afro-sheen

If cold don't fret
Just light a fart
It's your best bet

And if too hot
Cool your buns
On the pot

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

It's great to see our new poo thread taking off with so many new and inspiring poop poems and reports! Keep up the great work folks! KUDOS!!

The Best of Times

The Air Apparent

Yo, I'm a gangsta rapper
I stink up every crapper

I'm a bad mother, I'm violent
My farts are deadly and silent

Yo, I'm a criminal mastermind
I got diarrhea comin' out my behind

All these banks I'm robbin'
My hemorrhoids are throbbin'

I got trends, I got styles
Yo, I got bloody piles

When I'm on the streets, I do my own thing
When I'm on the can, I blow out an o-ring

Yo, get outta my way
I poop ten times a day

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

poop

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Today I felt rumbling bin my guts. I released massive amounts of greasy shart into the bowl. It happened twice in about 90 minutes.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

The Ballad of G.C.

I'm a gangster crapper
I poop in the city
And I'm a gangster rapper
So my vocals are shitty

I'm a gangster crapper
I carry an Uzi
When I take a poop
It's always a doozy

I'm a gangster crapper
I poop in the ghetto
This 'hood is rough
So I carry a stiletto

I'm a gangster crapper
They call me "G.C."
In a back alley
Is where I poop and pee

I'm a gangster crapper
I'm a local oligarch
I make loads of dough
I poop in the park

I'm a gangster crapper
I pimp out these ho's
When I take a poop
Better hold yo' nose

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I made an 18 incher today replete with bicolour corn and other things. It took 4 wipes to get clean ans it left an awesome skid mark.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Poo Star Trek comic joke. Enjoy.

https://imgur.com/undefined

https://imgur.com/undefined

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Elaine delete my other post above, not sure what happened with the 'undefined' result. Thanks.

https://imgur.com/a/AyTqUed

https://imgur.com/a/AyTqUed

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

What is Star Trek's five-year mission?

To circle Uranus and wipe out Klingons.

-----

Why did Kirk poop in outer-space?

To boldly go where no man has gone before.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I'm hittin' on the pipe while I'm shittin' and on Skype
Because my shit is global, bitches
My stench has earned me fabulous riches

The length of my turds clog every can
The truth of my words destroy every man

Fuck with me and I'll tear you to pieces
Because I'm a bad ass mother feces

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

^^Whoooooo!!! I am scared now!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I was a awakened with a rumbling in my stomach, got up and then had a massive bout of diahhrea just as my butt hit the seat. I must have lost half a gallon. I feel refreshed now.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

In a world where the wind blows strong,
There's a sound that can't go wrong.
It's not a melody or a sweet refrain,
But a rumble that brings joy and pain.

From deep within, a rumbling starts,
Escaping in bursts, the gas departs.
A symphony of toots and blasts,
A comedic relief that's unsurpassed.

Some may wrinkle their nose in disgust,
But for others, it's a source of robust
Laughter and giggles, a lighthearted jest,
A natural function we can't resist.

So let it out, don't hold it in,
Embrace the fart with a cheeky grin.
For in the end, it's a simple art,
A playful ode to the humble fart.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Humpty Dumpty shat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty made an out-call
All the king's ho's and all the king's bitches
Drained Humpty's balls and his riches

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I wish the Queen of Rounders would check in.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

^^You rang? Don't push your luck. If I find out where you live, you just might find yourself stepping in one of my rounders outside your door.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Sweet, you ol poopmonger you! Yall better not even think about droppin one o' yer patented rounders on my door, or else muh huntin dogs will run you off fer sure. And tell yer friend Mamsquatch to go away. This naborhood smells bad enuff without the stink o' your rounders makin it worse.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I'm So Glad

My stomach is quaking
I'm about to quit
So glad to shit
So glad to shit

I sit down and grunt
Out comes all of it
So glad to shit
So glad to shit

(Guitar Solo)

I wipe and flush
Then take a bong hit
So glad to shit
So glad to shit

Best Poetry Thread Ever

The World's Luckiest Man

The man with the stinkiest
Farts in the world
Those who smelled one
Their nose hairs curled
Those who smelled two
They hurled

Such fame
Such luck
He even pooped
A hockey puck

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I eat like a hog
and I drop a massive log
Im not what you'd call descreet
I drop my poo in the middle of the street
When I eat at taco bell
I unleash an odor from hell
My sphincter serves me very well.

Le Poop Thread

Parenthood

Hey, mum
Please powder my bum
You were there from the start
With each and every shart

You're a good wiper
Now put on my diaper

Hey, dad
I'm so glad
You have an appointment
To apply some ointment

And as you rub
I'll eat all your grub

I'll be a good son someday
Because I'm going to die too
There's no escaping the infinite
Then we'll never be apart

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I see AE is back up. My record of continuous days of making poops that leave skidmarks remains intact. 4 years, 5 months and 10 days!!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

So I totally forgot about this one.

A couple of decades ago I had to drink some cobalt concoction, I think, so I could get an abdominal x-ray. Doc warned me that it would turn my shit to stone and stay in the toilet for an indefinite amount of time.

After the first expulsion, I decided to walk about a block to where I was going to grad school and leave it for them. Bet they never figured out who left the cement poop.

Flush It Down

Just a few moments ago, I took a large multi-turd non-cobalt dump that I think you should know about, so thank you for reading my poop report, the end.

Flush Twice It's a Long Way to Fetid Poo Pit

High Society

I drink cobalt
I eat stew
I shit bricks
And so can you

Drink some cobalt
Eat some stew
Shit some bricks
Then do the boogaloo

Elevate your thinking
Enlighten your soul
Shit cobalt bricks
Out of your asshole

Celebrate National Potty Training Week

I just took a large satisfying post-dinner dump. It was very stinky.

THE END

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I just dropped the nastiest watery greaser ever. I couldn't get away from the outhouse fast enough. That smell could knock a mule down.

I Heart Global Warming

Took a dump earlier, then later I lit a fart and singed some bung hairs, but I'm fine.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I took some Colon Blow and I had a 21 incher that shot out like a cannonball! It left no skids and almost went down without flushing!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Where can I get some "Colon Blow'?

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I had a nice 17 incher this am. It was slek and smooth and quite hard. It went down woithout leaving any skid marks. I was quite refreshed afterwards.

Read It and Weep

Whereby to Live

You may think I'm a fool
But I live by The Brown Rule
Where every toilet is a valuable tool
And every poop is a crown jewel

Friday Afternoon Poop Report

Just took a huge shit, dense and stinky, one foot-long turd, broke off clean, nothing to wipe, easily washed the bung squeaky clean, no skid, the end.

Lenten Poop Poetry Slam

Chef Recommends

When you eat cheddar cheese
Drink as much wine as you please
And you'll blow such a sweet breeze
That sounds like birds singing in the trees

Then after the wind dies down
Your underpants will be stained brown
This is what the chef recommends
To those of you with rear ends

I Heart Poop

This poop report is to announce the birth of a 20-inch blind trout named Marco that was flushed to the sea to spawn.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I blew a big fart that was stinky and luscious
Then I took a big shit that took three flushes

For all that was brown to go down
I rule this town, you just a clown

I drink a bottle of milk of magnesia
I crap so large I need anesthesia

I shit until the bowl overfills
frat boy, I got bowel movement skills

Turd, word

Lactose Intolerance for All

The Words of Nanook

If it's cold
You won't freeze
If you light a match
And cut the cheese

The Pride of Wisconsin

When I eat cheese
In my guts
Toxic gas is made

Then the next day
On the can
Bricks of shit are laid

Which I then sell
On eBay
And that's how I get paid

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Good job cc schizo. U tell 'em!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Looks like Magus is obsessed again.

His demon, CC schizo, is living rent-free in his head again! LOL!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

^ cc schizo

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I can choose my own gender
I'm a man in a dress
When I shit in the ladies room
I make a hell of a mess

I'll raise a big stink
I'll take a piss in the sink
Bitch, don't tell me who I am
Or on the sidewalk your head I'll slam

I'm a hell of a man is who I am
I'm a hell of a women too

And if you don't like my gender
Fuck you, bitch, fuck you

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

WOW! I could only believe that the last song is about Magus or FD.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

^ projection

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

My 2 poops arrived on time as expected. The first was an 18 inches filled with bicolour corn and other "shit". The second was a mere 8 inches but came with some projectile diahrrea. Each required 4 swipes and neither left a skid mark.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I had a nice poop. 2 sausages measuring 12 and 10 inches long. They were a bit soft and took 5 wipes to get clean. The left a lage skid mark too.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Got me some diarrhea today. Don't know why.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I had a large poop today that was very soft and needed 6 wipes and a wet wipes to get clean. It went down with one flush, but left a large skid mark.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I blew a 20 incher out my bunghole that got my butt wet. It took butt 3 wipes to get clean and it went down without leaving a skid mark.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I can choose my own gender
I'm a man in a dress
When I shit in the ladies room
I make a hell of a mess

I'll raise a big stink
I'll take a piss in the sink
Bitch, don't tell me who I am
Or on the sidewalk your head I'll slam

I'm a hell of a man is who I am
I'm a hell of a women too

And if you don't like my gender
Fuck you, bitch, fuck you

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

It National Burrito Day. Let your ass explode!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

It was perfectly round
A pretty shade of brown
It made a funny sound
When I crapped it on the ground

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I had a most excellent projectile pooping in months!! It hit the water so hard I had both water and poop on my behind and needed to take a shower! On the dim side, It left a whopping big skid mark.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

I'm grunting and groaning for you, dear
Taking a shit for your love
My crowning achievement's come true, dear
Taking a shit for your love

To a love that is true
This log of love from me to you
Taking a shit for your love

Flushing it down twice
For my baby who's oh, so nice
Taking a shit for your love

I no longer fear each passing year
Taking a shit for your love
I'm so glad that you're so near
Taking a shit for your love

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

https://imgur.com/a/ApcFWVz

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

When I make a poop, I never flush it. I use a net to recover it from the bowl, dry it a little bit, then microwave it on a low for a few minutes. Voila! A recycled meal that I often enjoy!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

When I have diarhhea, I have a nice drink to go along with it!

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

^ that's not true. usually when my stomach is upset is just dont eat or drink anything at all, despite everyone nagging at me to do such. You see, when you're in your 30s, your 20s finally starts catching up to you health-wise. and then, despite changing your lifestyle, the abuse you've put your body through in your younger years deprives you of the best things in life:

- green haribou gummy bears
- soda
- drinking to excess
- laying all day on the couch for a comfy napp

you try that for like, a week, when you're 45 years old, and then tell me how that works out for you.

RE: Alien-Earth's 2nd Official Poo Thread!

Nice new poop poems and poop reports. Keep up the great work folks!

KUDOS