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AE's very first official poo thread

Elaine
3/29/2016 4:56 pm EST
3/29/2016 9:56 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Well medicated for your protection.

Watcher
3/29/2016 5:00 pm EST
3/29/2016 10:00 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

First I saw "test" thread, and now this one.

I thought you were testing a way to keep from being bung bunged.



:scream:

THE KOSHER PIG

CIRCUMSIZED AND PROUD OF IT!!!

I'm a Prick and an Asshole...DEAL WITH IT!

Watcher
3/29/2016 5:02 pm EST
3/29/2016 10:02 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Well, we will have to retrieve all those poo definitions that were jettisoned when the "for the shitposter" thread was deleted.

That seems to be essential to getting a thread like this off the ground.

THE KOSHER PIG

CIRCUMSIZED AND PROUD OF IT!!!

I'm a Prick and an Asshole...DEAL WITH IT!

Watcher
3/29/2016 5:03 pm EST
3/29/2016 10:03 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Will it get pinned since its and "Official" thread?

:cheer:

THE KOSHER PIG

CIRCUMSIZED AND PROUD OF IT!!!

I'm a Prick and an Asshole...DEAL WITH IT!

Elaine
3/29/2016 5:11 pm EST
3/29/2016 10:11 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Will it get pinned since its and "Official" thread?

nah... I just thought if I made a home for the poo peeps they would post here and leave other threads alone.

It's worth a shot, anyway.
Well medicated for your protection.

Anonymous Coward
3/29/2016 5:14 pm EST
3/29/2016 10:14 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

PPR
poo post repository

or maybe suppository?

Anonymous Coward
3/29/2016 5:17 pm EST
3/29/2016 10:17 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Shit posters need to get a job at a water sewage treatment plant.

Turd Ferguson
3/29/2016 9:08 pm EST
3/30/2016 2:08 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Pin this shit.

Poo Master
3/30/2016 6:21 am EST
3/30/2016 11:21 am GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Thank you Elaine! A welcome addition to AE so that we now have a companion thread to the "Holy Poo Coils" one.

It now gives posters a viable choice where they would like to go to post about this all important topic!

:cheer::headbang::cheer:

Anonymous Coward
3/30/2016 10:58 pm EST
3/31/2016 3:58 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Droppin a few biscuits before bed.

Anonymous Coward
3/31/2016 8:35 am EST
3/31/2016 1:35 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Thought I had a poo when I headed thru morning dispatch to the wc but just some happy farts. Washed my hands anyway.

katya
3/31/2016 10:59 am EST
3/31/2016 3:59 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread



Barcelona, Spain – File this in your collection of unusual Christmas traditions: the figurine of a pooping peasant appearing in Catalonia's crèches.

Catalonia, in Spain's northeastern corner, is a region with a strong cultural pride and ancient traditions. The Caganer (the pooper), which has been appearing in manger scenes since the 18th century, is one of them.

The figurine is a favorite among local children, who squeal with delight when they spot it behind a tree, a wall, or under a bridge, modestly hidden from the scene's otherwise holy surroundings.

http://www.mariaschnabel.com/blog/pooping-figurine-a-must-in-catalan-nativities/

katya
3/31/2016 11:55 am EST
3/31/2016 4:55 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Meanwhile in Sweden... police are called to investigate a revenge fart...

Police Investigate Man For 'Revenge Fart' After Woman Rejected Sexual Advances

A man has been reported to police for emitting what has been described as a "revenge fart" after a woman refused to have sex with him...

...The pair had discussed having sex, but after the woman exercised her right to say no her potential lover let rip with a cloud of noxious gas.

The alleged "revenge fart" was so bad that the woman was compelled to contact police in the historic southwestern city of Laholm.

The victim of the gassy blast has not been named but told police she was so disgusted by the rancid odour - which she said "smelled very bad in my flat" - that it actually "disturbed her peace of mind".

http://www.funwithfascists.com/london/2016/03/31/police-investigate-man-revenge-fart/


:fart:

Anonymous Coward
3/31/2016 1:31 pm EST
3/31/2016 6:31 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Suck hotpocket farts bung.

Filthy Smooka
3/31/2016 4:52 pm EST
3/31/2016 9:52 pm GMT

Avatar for Filthy Smooka

AE's very first official poo thread

^^ You are so kind!

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Anonymous Coward
3/31/2016 7:59 pm EST
4/1/2016 12:59 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Shitting is a universal thing!

Poo Master
4/1/2016 7:17 am EST
4/1/2016 12:17 pm GMT

Avatar for Poo Master

AE's very first official poo thread

A continuation of the fart types:

The Bitburr: Sounds like just that--you're walking and the initial explosion "BIT!--" during one step is followed by a more gentle release of the rest of the volume during the next step: "brrrrrr..."

The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.

The Burning Brakes Fart - A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually and adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes, and seems to hang around longer than most farts Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.

The Car Door Fart - Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.

The Celestial Fart - Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.

The Chicken Soup Fart: One day I had chicken soup for lunch at work and then stopped off at the gym after work. When it came on, I eased it out, covered by the gym's muzak. It smelled exactly like chicken soup. A few feet away some woman sniffed and said; "Is somebody cooking?" I had to turn to the wall to hide my laughter.

The Chinese Firecracker Fart - This is an exceptional multiple noted fart identified by the number, and variety of its noises, mostly pops and bangs. Often when you think it is all over, it still has a few pops and bangs to go. In friendly company this one can get applause. Uncommon.

Elaine
4/1/2016 5:44 pm EST
4/1/2016 10:44 pm GMT

Avatar for Elaine

AE's very first official poo thread

Well medicated for your protection.

Anonymous Coward
4/2/2016 6:55 pm EST
4/2/2016 11:55 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

I was driving up the interstate this afternoon, stuck in traffic at a road construction area, when I felt the sudden urge to drop a load. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to unleash, so I sat there in agony as my intestines rumbled ever louder and the pressure built. I pulled into the driveway and ran inside hoping I was just in time for splashdown. I knew the cannon was loaded but the result was epic, far more than I could ever expected. I must say I felt like I lost 15 pounds just dropping that one off at the rounders hall of fame. I turned the bathroom light off for fear that a stray spark would ignite the fumes and blow up half the county. Having saved my community from a 10 megaton blast, I raised a window to air the place out.

Anonymous Coward
4/2/2016 7:22 pm EST
4/3/2016 12:22 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

Will the poo faerie leave a rounder under my pillow while I'm sleeping if I wipe real good? I'd love to find a "gold nugget" one morning.

Poo Master
4/3/2016 6:42 am EST
4/3/2016 11:42 am GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

More Fart Definitions:

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.

The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.

The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.

The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.

The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.

The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.

The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.

The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.

Anonymous Coward
4/3/2016 4:12 pm EST
4/3/2016 9:12 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

A word to the wise:

When Olaf talks about his 11 incher... He is actually referring to his meager 11 inch poo. He is a loser and a sexual pervert.

HTH

Anonymous Coward
4/3/2016 4:16 pm EST
4/3/2016 9:16 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

I saw a perfect representation for Bung Bung today, and I flushed it.

Dirty Sanchez
4/3/2016 7:17 pm EST
4/4/2016 12:17 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

This thread gets me all hot and bothered.

Silent but Vilunt
4/3/2016 7:37 pm EST
4/4/2016 12:37 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

One night five of us were in a tent, shoehorned in like a bunch of sardines after drinking beer and eating doritos all night long. There were too many people between me and the door of the tent when my bowels began rumbling. I knew the eruption that was coming would rival Mt. St. Helens, so I held it as long as I could. When I couldn't take it any longer I unzipped my sleeping bag and unleashed enough CO2 to blow up the entire ozone layer. The silent but violent emanation smelled of rotten eggs, sulfur, an outhouse, doritos and hops. The human stampede out of that enclosed space cannot be described adequately on this page. You would have thought a bear was after us they way we broke out of the tent and ran.

Poo Master
4/4/2016 6:44 am EST
4/4/2016 11:44 am GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

More Fart definitions:

The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.

The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratchass Fart.

The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.

The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.

The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.

The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.

The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.

The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchass Fart. Common.

Anonymous Coward
4/5/2016 6:56 am EST
4/5/2016 11:56 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

You should delete the holy poop coil thread then.

Poo Master
4/5/2016 7:26 am EST
4/5/2016 12:26 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

The conclusion of the Fart definitions!!!

Up NEXT post will be the poop definitions! YAY!

The Shower Fart: These are a lot worse than bathtub farts, due to conditions of humidity and heat. George Carlin once said that you can tolerate the smell of your own farts, but shower farts are the exception to that rule.

The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.

The Snart: This is a fart that you succeed in suppressing so as not to not to offend, but then a sneeze jars it loose.

The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.

The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.

The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.

The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.

The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.

The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!

The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you!

Anonymous Coward
4/6/2016 2:29 pm EST
4/6/2016 7:29 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.


This one sounds like a daily exercise for Sweet. Sometimes done over at her neighbors I hear.
:scream:

Anonymous Coward
4/6/2016 6:46 pm EST
4/6/2016 11:46 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

^^^Marco gets off on that kind of stuff. Is that you Freeflow?

:damned:

Anonymous Coward
4/6/2016 7:06 pm EST
4/7/2016 12:06 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

What is the link to the rounders website, I think it moved recently.

Anonymous Coward
4/6/2016 7:10 pm EST
4/7/2016 12:10 am GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

I just took off my clothes and opened all the windows in my rounder room. I then stood up in front of the toilet pot, crossed my legs and pointed my butt hole out toward the toilet bowl and whilst clenching my cheeks together, I pushed about 9 pounds of hot mushy rounder. It was brown marbled with green and yellow. It smelled pungent with overtones of wine yeast. I did not use toilet paper, I turned on the shower and while I waited for the water to warm, I scratched my smeared hole with 4 fingers and it was such a deep itch it felt so good with my fingers in there. I scratched until there was some blood mixed with my stool smear. I watched the brown/yellow/red water flow down my shower drain.





AE's very first official poo thread

^^^Marco gets off on that kind of stuff. Is that you Freeflow?

damned



That is the funniest damn thing in the history of AE.:rofl:

Poo Master
4/7/2016 7:23 am EST
4/7/2016 12:23 pm GMT

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AE's very first official poo thread

Poop Definitions continued:

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.

The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:

1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly.

The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors

The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in

Anonymous Coward
4/7/2016 1:47 pm EST
4/7/2016 6:47 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.


This is exactly what Sweet means when she says she is giving birth to a rounder!!



:rofl::rofl:

Filthy Smooka
4/7/2016 4:45 pm EST
4/7/2016 9:45 pm GMT

Avatar for Filthy Smooka

AE's very first official poo thread

^^^JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING!

:headbang:

Anonymous Coward
4/7/2016 5:50 pm EST
4/7/2016 10:50 pm GMT

AE's very first official poo thread

I'm a guy, but the last poop seemed like it was a birthing. Constipated for 3 days, then it decided to come. Very dry and felt like it was scraping my ahole out.



:scream:

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