10:34 pm EST
3:34 am GMT
Peon Chang 2018
Long ago there was a poor peon peasant named Chang. He was mocked by all of the villagers because he never slept and yet refused to work, choosing instead to live off of a meager trust fund bequeathed to him by his parents and the occasional peanut butter sammich handout.
Day in and day out; Chang would roam the streets uttering nary a sound save to clang a large brass gong once every hour on the hour to dusk from dawn.
One late stormy evening as Chang walked by and the villagers slept soundly, a bolt of lightning struck the popular Oy Fuchs Minn's house of fine antique tapestries and ballistic missile do-dads.
Chang stood horrified as flames abruptly arose from the smoldering roof, he instantly knew what he must do.
Running wildly through the streets Chang roused the sleeping villagers by clanging his gong mercilessly and shouting," Wake up you assholes,
Oy Fuchs, it is on fire, Oy Fuchs is on fire!"
Due to Chang's quick thinking the entire village was safely evacuated twenty six miles away.
2018 Olympics honor the heroic memory of peon Chang.