|The 2nd Mr. de Summer
1:23 pm EST
6:23 pm GMT
A Most Personal And Private Rememberance
Last night i dreamed i posted on Tops forum...
Of our separate yet shared experiences, there was an shared arc of sorts. At one endpoint, anchored, lay hope, joy, and enthusiasm.
The other, anger, discouragement... dispair.
How had this happened. How had our youthful hope died as aged dispair?For it did die. Suddenly. One day. One day hope died. Forever.
For me it all began on a magnificent day, in spring as i recall. That day i recieved an email. I cannot remember it's exact content, but, it was an invitation. From an old forum friend. "Come to our new forum" she wrote. "We are all leaving L. and starting a new forum of our own ".
The overall nature of the email spoke of a certain hope, and excitement.
We had all fealt repressed at L., under D.
Now, under the aegis of this P., of whom i knew very little, and some others of whom i was more familiar, this new bright star was being born. And i, i who had left L. and other forums altogether some months prior, i was being honored with this, 'her' invite. My dear old forum friend, she and i who had met as and had been pirates. At G.
I contemplated her message and reread. "Go back to the forum world?" thought i, "Surely not!". I had had my fill of those silly forums. I was free and clear and all about other things new.
I decided to reply, not immediately so as to not insult her, no, i would give it some time as though i were seriously considering her offer, an offer already quite and finally decided.
Finishing my second coffee, and havind administered and applying my toilet, i serenly laid aside my laptop deciding to go for a long walk.
Clearing my head on that brisk early spring morning, and, as i was meticulously thourough and prudent of habit, i stolled fervently and stridently forward.
In my mind i re-weighed all the possible options. Would i go back to the forums, the forums i had left, forever? It hardly seemed right. I was done with these silly social forums, having incarnated and reincarnated myself so many, many times. Contributing in all possible ways creative,,, i fealt... spent. I was done. I would post... no more.
Still... that youthfull siren called. New fun called out my name. It enticed. It beckoned.
Come dance with us in the moolight.We will'o'whisps, born again, freelings. Come, frolic In our fairey ring and sing, and dance... and love. Come, be, with us.
Careless haphazard youth. Challenging all unknowns and all unexperiencedes with all of one's stregnth and one's heart and one's carefree bravado.
Oh to be reckless again.
Oh to start, again, in some new territory. Some unknown untrod and wayward land, free of that old cancerous decay that grew and grew and grew darker... strangleholds hammerlocks, ever choking death. Incidious, uncurable and now unoperable social malignancy, had choked out that world, and i had left it
I was free and unattached, a boat alone, a poster free and alone, navigating on an endless internets sea.
Yet... 'she' beckoned ...
What could my answer be?
Answer i must and i did.
'Yes' 'Of course I will join you there. Quite soon. Meet me there and we will be together. Once more!'.
The die... was cast. My future fate... sealed. Many days would pass before the sudden and shocking end of it all.
An arc of light to dark days, sober then quite drunken days.